No, I am Your Master
by CC-645
Summary: Parody AU: After fighting his son, Vader faces his Padawan. Ridiculous quoting, ridicuous Parody


**I was watching Empire Strikes Back, and I felt a disturbance in the Force - I could write a Parody on the fight Luke vs Vader** **but as Vader vs Ahsoka.**

**I set to work 3 hours ago, and here you have it: **

**Warnings: Everyone is Out Of Character.** **This Story is a Parody only and therefore non-canon in both the Official Star Wars Univers****e and ****all of my universes.**

**Disclaimer:**_ This story contains several direct quotations of licensed Star Wars Characters therefore I do not take credit for their speach. _

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><p><em>No, I am your Master<em>

Bespin, the gas giant home to Tibana gas refineries and notorious gambling establishments. Cloud City – a harbour for both the refineries and the establishments.

A middle-aged Togruta sat at a sabacc table across from an average-looking Gotal. To an uninterested observer they were just playing the game. To a professional, they were in the middle of a business deal.

"Will Karrdè accept our contract?" The Gotal questioned.

"He will, for an extra five thousand credits." The Togruta replied.

"Twenty-five thousand! That's outrageous!" the potential client fumed.

"Twenty-five thousand credits. Take it or leave it, but if you want the cargo delivered to you without the empire seizing it, you better agree to these terms." Her voice left no room for argument, and laced with a subtle Force-compulsion, it had the desired effect.

"Fine," the disgruntled Gotal agreed, signing the piece of flimsi with great reluctance. He smacked the pen down on the table and stormed off.

Ahsoka Tano cracked a smile, _Jedi are the best smugglers._ Her thoughts of an extra share in the profits were interrupted by a sudden stab of pain in the force. With the Empire and Vader out there such a disturbance wasn't unheard of, but this one was different. It didn't taste of death, but of extreme pain. And it was close by, very close by.

Suddenly she knew what she had to do, that Jedi may still be alive, and if he was, she had to help him. Ahsoka jumped out of her seat and raced out the door, reaching out to the Force for guidance.

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><p>Darth Vader, Dark lord – or actually the apprentice – of the Sith, watched as his son tumbled down the gas pit of Cloud City. He knew he would survive. After all, Darth Maul had survived a bisection, and his son only lost a hand. His fatherly instincts urged him to follow. But he couldn't, he wasn't capable of explaining, Luke wouldn't understand, especially since he cut off the boy's hand. <em>Why?<em> He asked himself. _Must every Skywalker lose a hand to a Sith's blade?_

"Vader!" The accusing shout shook him out of his musings. There, on the catwalk behind him stood a figure, a familiar figure. The Togruta stood feet apart, green lightsaber and gold shoto ignited and in the classic Jar'Kai guard position.

His Sith instincts overpowered the light within him, with a shout of rage he drew his blood-red saber and leapt toward the figure. _Surely his former Padawan was no match for him!_

His initial assessment of the situation proved to be a severe understatement. For before him now wasn't the green apprentice he'd left to die above Felucia, but a skilled worrier. Whenever he attacked, she seemed to slip seamlessly into the almost unbreakable defence of Soresu, whenever he relaxed his assaulted, she threw blow after blow at him. She definitely was a worthier opponent then the kid he sent running for his life just moments ago.

He brought his saber around for a decapitating overhand blow, but found himself in a blade lock instead. _This will never do, that shoto is getting in my way!_ Infuriated, Vader stretched out with the Force. He sent a nearby crate hurtling towards his opponent's head. Ahsoka managed to duck away just in time, but the object hit her right arm, sending her sprawling on the durasteel floor and forcing her main saber out of her grasp.

"You are beaten. It is useless to resist." The Dark Lord said with undisguised glee in his voice, driving the tip of his weapon closer to his former apprentice's face.

"Not if anything to say about it I have!" Ahsoka quoted, sending Vader toppling backwards with a mighty force push. For a moment, the reminder of Yoda's backwards speech almost softened the struggling Darth. But nothing happens so easily. Just as he was about to turn from the Dark, a voice whispered in the back of his mind, _You are better than that, Lord Vader, you can't be bested by a mere youngling_. With a yell he charged, his rage and fury fuelling his strength, the Dark Side flowing through him.

Ahsoka found herself hard-pressed to block all the Sith's powerful Djem So strikes, having to keep on steadily retreating. In a flurry of extremely fast and ferocious blows, Vader managed to send his opponent's shoto spiralling out of her hand and down into the gas pit.

"There is no escape," the sith declared, taking a step back and breathing hard, "Join me, don't let me do to you what I did to the previous Jedi."

"Monster!" Ahsoka shrieked. She flipped her remaining weapon into her long-favoured Shien grip and attacked her foe with such ferocity that even the Dark Lord found himself losing ground, and fast.

Vader continued to retreat until something occurred to him. _Darth, you fought this girl in countless sparring matches, you know her style!_ With that insight Vader began to regain control of the fight, slowly but surely forcing his former Padawan back.

When her fury had cooled down, Ahsoka found herself on the brink of the maintenance platform, desperately defending herself against an unrelenting onslaught. Judging that the time was right, Vader spun his saber in intricate patterns. He swung a blow at Zone 2, then fainted an attack at Zone 3, but instead brought his blade slicing through his opponent's sword arm. The severed limb and the hilt it held hurtled away over the edge and into the pit.

Ahsoka screamed in pain, clutching the cauterised stump with her left hand and falling back on the durasteel platform. Vader screamed in horror, for the second time that day he'd cut someone's right arm off.

"**What have I done!"** he cried, his lightsaber clattering away. **"If only you knew the problems of the Dark Side. Obi-wan never told you what happened to your master." **Vader sunk to his knees.

"He told me enough! He told me you killed him!" Ahsoka hissed in both pain and anger, her sharp teeth gritting together.

"**No, Snips, I am your Master."**

"Noooo! That's impossible, you can't be Darth Sky guy!" the Togruta whaled.

"**Search your feelings, you'll know it to be true."** Vader advised.

"Then why do you want me to join you?"

"**Because that's the only thing a Sith is capable of saying. And besides I'm tired of that pesky Palpatine twerp."**

"Alright then, what's the plan Dear old Darthy?" Somehow Ahsoka managed to overcome the pain, and say this in a joking manner.

"**The plan? I thought you had one."** Vader retorted, remembering their banter all those years ago back on Christophsis.

"You're the one with the plan master. I'm the one with enthusiasm."

"**Well Padawan, we have to go rescue my son first. I sent him tumbling down this pit 10 minutes ago."**

"Ah, I'm not a Padawan anymore. Master Yoda knighted me 6 months ago. And wait, you have a son?"

"**Yup,"** Vader replied, the word oddly distorted by his respirator.

Anakin Skywalker slung his former apprentice over his back and jumped down the gas pit.

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><p>Hundreds of meters below, Luke Skywalker clung to the weather vane as if to life itself, which in all fairness, it literally was. He was in the process of contacting Leia through the force when the hatch above him hissed open and two figures fell through.<p>

"Sithspit!" he cursed as the black figure grabbed onto his leg, nearly wrenching it out of its socket.

"Easy Luke." His father admonished him.

"AHHHH!" Luke screamed, realising who was clinging onto him. He let go involuntarily. Lucky for the trio, the Millennium Falcon was just approaching. The three Jedi piled on top of a stunned Lando, and the freighter shot off.

Leia rushed up to the Falcon's aft cargo bay to see: Luke – armless, A Togruta that she'd never seen before – armless, and Darth Vader! The Alderaanian princess fainted. Lando managed to extricate himself out of the pile of bodies and ran off to the cockpit. A minute later a certain grumpy Wookiee barged into the room.

Chewbacca's eyes flicked first to Luke, then to Vader – judging that since the latter hadn't killed Luke, the Wookiee didn't consider the Sith to be a threat at this moment, so he continued to scan the room. His gaze fell on Ahsoka and he seized her in a bear hug.

"Chewie" Ahsoka gasped out "Let g-go!". Leia, who had come to gaped at her,

"You know each other?" And WHY IS DARTH VADER IN THIS SHIP!" she bellowed.

"Ahmm, because…" the whole group froze and looked at Vader, "…Because I am your father…."

The End


End file.
